I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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