Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
