but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
