i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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