I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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