i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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