just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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