I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
