a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
