Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
