We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
