Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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