watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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