Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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