I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A bitchslap is in order.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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