Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
