Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
