I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
