I cockslap morals
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
