That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
