don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
