You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
