if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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