He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
