u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
