apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
