census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
