Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
