I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it hurts more in the daytime
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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