he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
