he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
