The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
