God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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