I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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