Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
