My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
