I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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