I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
