I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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