Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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