If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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