this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
