WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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