Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
