so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
