Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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