I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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