wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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