I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
