He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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