Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The air taste purple.
Randomize
