Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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