he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
